That is NOT funny.
Dating Goldilocks is NOT funny.

http://twitter.com/sween/statuses/2888589173

White“This porridge is too hot!”

“This bed is too soft!”

“This sex is too fast!”

Goldilocks. Worst. Date. Ever.

OKAY SWEEN:  Goldilocks is fictional and underage.  Having a date with her is GROSS and WEIRD.  NOT FUNNY.